Intentionally Creative Life.

Living with Intention.

Setting some serious Life Goals.

This is where I am now, and this blog post  is to blame.

When I first moved to Chicago, I came to attend Columbia College for Fiction Writing. Didn't last too long, since I realized a few things:

1.  That damn school is incredibly expensive, and I can't see the benefit in getting a Fiction Writing degree from an art school, other than to teach (and to name drop like a motherfucker).

2. I am not a novelist, I am a lyricist.

So after dropping out, I basically got a day job and tried to keep afloat. I kept a side music project with a buddy of mine where we wrote music together and I sang, and began recording in the studio. We still do that to this day, and have managed to make some decent connections along the way. It has been almost 3 years now.

Then suddenly, out of a need to have some control over my horrific anxiety, I took up knitting. I don't even remember how it happened...perhaps a joke with my therapist, or maybe a blog post somewhere, but I just went to my local fabric store, picked up yarn, some needles, and went to YouTube. Within two days I made my first scarf, and soon after that, I was totally hooked (no pun intended, since I didn't begin crocheting until much later).

There was something about this knitting...having a finished project in front of me, the prospect of being relatively self-sufficient by making my own items, and most importantly, my anxiety had decreased significantly.

After about a year of playing with needles, I decided to come up with the idea to have my own shop. At first, I thought this was nothing but a fantasy in my head. Up to that point, I wasn't really designing items, just lightly modifying some Ravelry patterns to my liking. Of course, as I learned more stitches, ideas began to come to me, and I realized that maybe this could be a 'real' thing.

It wasn't until Winter of 2012 that I got serious. That was when I got my etsy account, took the shop name 'Ragdoll Brownie' and decided to get serious.

Lots of hiccups happened on the way (one amazing hiccup being my new BAND! YAY!), and I have been limiting myself to the idea that I could never make this a full-time gig. I told myself that I wasn't talented enough, that I didn't have the right ideas, that nothing would sell. But then it occurred to me that it was THIS type of thinking that would keep me right where I am: Working a job I can 'deal with' but is creatively deadening, and having little to no time to do the things that made me happy.

I mean, I don't feel limited with music. I have every intention of being able to live off the money I make eventually with the right band. So why can't this be the same?

I know for a fact that I was not made for a desk job. I want to be in a constant state of dynamism; to always have new ideas, or enjoying the creativity of others and having constant inspiration from the beautiful things in life. So why would I limit myself to having to be at this job until I got my 'record deal' or 'went on tour'?

Why couldn't my 'day job' be as creatively fulfilling as my passion for music? Exactly.

So, I am going to make a plan. A plan that will get me out of my current job, and into my business, full time.  And when I say full time, I only mean enough to take care of my bills, and have the ability to spend on some activities of leisure.  Thankfully, I only have a cat and myself to take care of, rent and basic utilities, and of course, the dreaded school loans.

But I am going to plan all of this out. And at first, it's going to be difficult, and perhaps somewhat draining. Working a full time job, with band practice on the weekends, and weekly obligations will not allow me a ton of time to work. But I will learn to work smart, and to incorporate more positivity and creativity in my life.

Hell yes, this is happening.

PS: This also means more blog posts. :)

~Pusher. Of. Pens.~